I understand that Halloween is difficult in the world of content creation, because it happens at night and then the next morning is November. This does not leave much time for posting within the window of relevance, and that is something we have to mourn privately while staring at our website traffic monitoring tool. But we can’t bend reality to suit our wishes. At least not until earth undergoes its final transformation into Metaplanet. For now, we must accept the world as it is. And right now the alignment of the planets could not be more clear: it is the morning of Monday, November 1.
We must move on from news of what celebrities wore on Halloween.
“Ariana Grande just may have won Halloween 2021 with this epic nostalgic costume,” says the Today show. “Taylor Swift is Showing Off Her Cute & ‘Nutty’ Halloween Costume!,” says Just Jared. “Steve Buscemi Made His ‘Fellow Kids’ Meme a Halloween Costume,” says Rolling Stone. “Rihanna Won Halloween 2021 By Dressing Exactly Like Gunna In One Of His Instagram Posts,” says Buzzfeed. “Amy Schumer wears ‘iconic’ tampon costume for first Halloween post-hysterectomy,” says Yahoo! Life.
No. No more.
It is time to shift back to non-Halloween related celebrity gossip.
I am crying about it, too — believe me. I am gnashing my teeth, begging Satan for just one day of liminal space between Halloween and the point at which everyone has moved on from Halloween. I am screaming: Please, devil, grant me at least the content creation time of my fellow thirty-somethings who went to Halloween parties dressed as Twitter jokes on Saturday, Oct. 30 and were free to gather Instagram likes on Sunday, October 31. Please Lucifer, I am begging you to allow me to post about how Lizzo dressed as Baby Yoda. But my sweet fallen angel has not yet provided me my dark wish. It is instead Monday. It is November. And we have moved on.
Until next year.